• “The View” hosts blast the recent SCOTUS decision that Whoopi Goldberg cannot play or mimic a nun due to the Separation of Stupidity and Religion Clause. Sister Act will need to be recast and reshot.
• White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre says the southern border is closed. That’s like saying President Biden never talked to Hunter about his overseas business activities.
• More provisions in The Have Mercy on the Administration Act:
o $5,000 to submit a positive review on any episode of an Obama Netflix series,
o $25,000 for Tracy Abram’s 2021 MLB All-Star Game T-shirt (never worn),
o $10,000 to watch and listen to Nina Jankowicz’s Mary Poppins tunes about misinformation on TikTok.
• New positions have been added to the White House staff; Cue Card Specialists
• More provisions in the Have Mercy on the Administration Act:
o $10,000 to chauffer Paul Pelosi for a month,
o $500,000 to buy a Hunter Biden painting,
o $10,000 to have breakfast with Hillary Clinton (includes compensation for nausea and retching).
• On a day when oil executives were in town expecting an audience with the president to discuss ways to reduce gas prices Biden ops to attend a bike riding class. The six and seven year-old boys in the class were jealous of his Buzz Lightyear helmet.
• Nancy Pelosi is fast-tracking new “why go to work if I can get a government check?” benefits in a bill called the “Have Mercy on the Administration Act”. Examples of payouts include:
o $5,000 to attend any Kamala Harris speech; an additional $5,000 to snap a picture with her (smiling is required),
o $60,000 to buy an electric car,
o $10,000 for Janet Yellin to tell your fortune,
o $2,000 to boo President Trump at a MAGA rally.
• Here’s what Biden shrinkflation looks like. Soon; a dozen eggs will be 10 eggs, a gallon of milk will be 3 quarts, and worst of all a bottle of beer will be 10 ounces.
• Hunter’s laptop from hell just sank to Dante’s 9th Circle (it doesn’t get any lower then that) as 168,000 DELETED files were recovered.
• Huh! Did Joe Biden just plagiarize a Benny Hill skit?
• Pete Buttigieg is ticked! The other day the SUV that transports his bike within two blocks of his final destination was cancelled.
• A sure way to shut AOC up. Ask her if she would support a Joe Biden presidency in 2024.
• It’s official! More people watched Return of the Green Slime from the Black Lagoon then opening night of the January 6th Congressional hearings.
• Lindsay Graham now has the record for the number of times for talking tough, but not doing anything.
• A new sleep aid has just hit the market by storm. It features Janet Yellin speaking.
• Now we know who that small percentage is that thinks Biden is doing a good job; Jimmy Kimmel and Robert DeNiro.
• More government graft and foolhardy spending of taxpayer money! Nancy Pelosi is having a fence installed around her home in San Francisco. No; it’s not to keep people out, it’s to keep her husband in.
• Boris Johnson survived a no-confidence vote in Parliament. Insiders say he gained a substantial number of supportive votes when he agreed to buy a comb.