• Pete Buttigieg couldn’t make it to the townhall last night in East Palestine, Ohio because he couldn’t find a private plane to get him there.
• The language police are pushing to have the words “male” and “female” replaced by “sperm-producer” and “egg-producer”’ Wow, with eggs going for $6 a dozen…!
• Orders for the blue pill have gone up ten-fold in the last 24-hours as 70 and 80 year olds sadly bring down their wall posters of Raquel Welsh.
• Calling mumbling bumbling Biden the best communicator in the White House is like saying Pete Buttigieg is the best person to figure out how to prevent train derailments; or that AOC is a strong supporter of capitalism; or that Janet Yellin is the best person to head off inflation. Then again consider the competition.
• Andy Reid is one helluva mean guy! He didn’t allow the team to watch the Rihanna halftime show. Actually he should be praised. The last thing he needed was a second half team hitting the field that was discombobulated and depressed.
• FBI agents no longer need polygraphs during interrogations. Now they just listen for phrases that are clear indicators of false statements. These phrases include; Look…”; “you have my word”; “and that’s a fact”; “I have no regrets”; “not a joke”; “C’mon man, true story”; “trust me on this”; “I will always tell you the truth“; “here’s the deal”; and “my father used to tell me, Joey…”.
• DoD reports that a fifth unidentified object was shot down over Arizona. Pilots reported that it was oblong in shape and had “Go Eagles” imprinted on the side.
• Sad news out of Alaska! We just found out that the President that went from “it’s not a significant breach” as a Chinese balloon traversed the entire country to being trigger happy shot down the cow that jumped over the moon.
• Biden has gone overboard to minimize the significance of the Chinese balloon incident. Makes one wonder if he had been born backwards would he say that that was not a “significant breach”?
• Biden’s PBS interview was a real laugher! Judy Woodruff asked Joe if he thought Chinese spying was becoming a major problem [smile, chuckle, smile]; she asked if he was planning to run for President again in 2024 [smile, belly laugh]; she asked if he thought Kamala was doing a good job [smile, roll-on-the-floor hysterics]; she asked if he was concerned about Hunter being indicted and implicating him in the crimes [smile, bring-tears-to-the-eyes guffawing]; finally she asked if he had any inspirational words to lift up the American people [blank stare, total silence].
• John Fetterman has been appointed to the Senate Dress Code Committee and the Congressional Welcome Wagon,
• Hunter Biden debunked the steadfast debunking of his computer from hell and then debunked what he had debunked,
• The big mistake China made with their surveillance balloon is that it entered our airspace from the northwest. If it had come in from the south it may have entered totally undetected or it could have applied for asylum.
• Karine Jean-Pierre White House daily briefings have become don’t-miss events. Some Q&A’s from the latest briefing:
o Q. Karine, what is the White House response to the FBI search at Rehoboth? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, what is the White House position on Hunter’s laptop from hell? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, does the White House think the southern border is closed? “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, is the White House concerned that Putin could start a nuclear war? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, what did the president have for breakfast? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, does the president think Kamala is a complete bird brain? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”,
o Q. Karine, does the president know what day it is? A. “We are being totally cooperative and transparent”
Karine: Great questions today! I’ll see you tomorrow.
• News Alert! FBI Agents find a bankers box under the bed at Biden’s Rehoboth Beach house. The box was labeled, “Hide From the FBI”.
• Jimmy Kimmel spoofed Michael Lindell in a crane claw vending machine when he appeared on Kimmel’s show last night. Now they can’t get him out!