• Jill is willing to support Joe pulling out of the race on one condition; that she remains First Lady.

• Hunter is also willing to support Joe leaving the race on one condition; that he can change his name to Hunter Trump.

• Democrats are planning to propose a new amendment to the Constitution that would require future presidents to be no taller than 5’6”. The amendment would facilitate the ability of all Secret Service agents to properly shield the president in the event of a dire threat.

• If Biden leaves the reelection scene mumbling, bumbling, and stumbling will be replaced by giggling, snickering and cackling. Everything else will remain the same.

• Internal investigations within Biden’s administration are where objective, timely, conclusive evaluations go to die.

• Democrats are getting very restless about Old Joe staying in the race. The only question may be whether they decide to nominate a ham sandwich, a chicken nugget, or a breakfast burrito to take his place.

• Are you wondering why it’s so hard to get Old Joe out of the White House? Well consider what it took to get Commander out.

• Hunter told Old Joe he’s out after learning that he would have to answer the phone at 3 AM.

• The Founders did a great job creating this amazing country. But they missed something. They didn’t define a process for dealing with a situation where the sitting president forgets his name, the vice president can’t find the border, and the Cabinet is empty.

• In 2020 thousands of dead people voted for Biden. In 2024 thousands of live people plan to vote for a dead Biden.

• During a Fourth of July appearance at the White House Biden made a big deal about his perceived lack of traffic congestion (he doesn’t have to drive in it). Joe probably thinks Pothole Pete is doing a good job too.

• eBay has a used military pier for sale. Cheap! The only catch is you have to pick it up at the Gaza Strip.

• Are you looking pale? Do you shuffle your feet? Do you slur your words? Do you not finish your sentences? Do you not get your facts right? Do you have trouble staying awake? YOU MAY HAVE A BAD COLD, OR YOU MAY HAVE JET LAG, OR YOU MAY THINK YOU’RE GETTING YELLED AT BY YOUR OPPONENT!!

• With the Supreme Court ruling regarding immunity, Jill Biden can probably rest easy. As the wife of the president she likely has immunity from prosecution for elder abuse.

• We’re hearing that Biden is only in gear between 10AM and 4PM. Well goody! That resolves the dilemma of the 3AM phone call. The voicemail will instruct the caller to call back at 10AM.

• Who was making decisions in the Oval while Jill was out doing her Vogue photo shoot?

• It’s pretty clear what’s going on with the Biden “freezing” episodes. He’s practicing for the Hall of Presidents wax museum at Disney World.

• While the other G7 world leaders are focused on the sky observing parachute jumpers carrying allied flags, Joe Biden is off looking for four-leaf clovers. Dang, hate those grass stains!

• Biden met with Pope Francis today. The pontiff gave him absolution for lying about not intending to pardon Hunter.

• The Hunter Biden defense team thinks they have found the silver bullet. They plan to argue in his defense that he couldn’t have been using drugs when he signed the federal form to purchase a gun because he forgot his crack pipe in the car.