• Fani Willis has a huge stash of shoes. Not because she likes shoes, but because she needs the shoe boxes to put her cash in.

• Biden’s first words when he arrived in East Palestine; “I thought there was a war going on here.”

• No, Traitor Joe is not a food store chain!

• Good Old Boy Joe says watch me, and we are. Aren’t you getting tired of cringing? It’s getting to the point that Joe is starting to make 82 year-olds look bad.

• Patrick Mahomes was a little annoyed after the Chief’s Super Bowl win. All the networks were intent on interviewing Taylor Swift. To make matters worse, she was voted MVP.

• For Hillary it was about being prepared for a 3am call. For Biden it’s being prepared for a 1pm call except on days when a lid is called before noon.

• Would a mentally acute person be able to recognize someone who has mental acuity issues? Most certainly! What does that say about the 90% of Democrats that say they plan to vote for Biden?

• The employment description for future Oval Office staffers has been revised. The following provision has been added; “Candidates must be able to understand and interpret mumbling and incoherent statements.”

• Little Johnny Miller was given a detention by his kindergarten teacher for not applying himself when he returned his art homework. Frustratingly she told him, “A two-year old could have done better.” But that wasn’t the half of it. She was even more upset when she found out that it was not his own work, but rather, something his father bought from some guy named Hunter.

• Death row inmates are being offered a reprieve; take a job on Kamala Harris’ staff. No takers so far!

• More Carnac! Carnac predicts the answer to the question in the envelope is; Out of gas. And the question is (opening the sealed envelope); What is the status of Biden’s EV mandate?

• What does it say about a political party when the person making the most sense sustained brain damage from a stroke?

• What are the chances of a societal framework known as DEI surviving when it’s acronym could just as easily be DIE?

• Climate change zealots will tell you that the polar vortex is being disrupted by our ravaging of the environment. Oh, so that’s why there is snow on the ground, ice on the lakes, and negative temperatures on the thermometer? Or could it be because we’re in North Dakota?

• There was a lot of consternation over Secretary Austin being AWOL for nearly a week. Kamala has been missing for a lot longer than that and no one seemed to notice.

• Oh no! With John Kerry leaving his post as climate czar the earth is sure to be burned to a cinder in no time.

• We’re belatedly finding out that Beetle Bailey was in charge while Secretary Austin was in the ICU.