• The parachutes being used for dropping humanitarian aid into Gaza keep failing. Israel is pleading with the White House to stop using parachutes made in China.

• President Biden auditions for Grumpy Old Men 2 during his State of the Union speech.

• Biden’s brain is experiencing shrinkflation!

• There is still growling, snarling and biting coming from the White House. Seems that Jill has taken over where Commander left off.

• Our “Walter” look-alike president (see Jeff Dunham’s dummy) claims the doctors said he “looks too young.” Hmmmm! Either 75 million of us need to get our eyes checked or Biden’s doctor does.

• Man dies of old age at 27. He never did understand how that leap year thing worked.

• For the rest of the year, after a leap day, are we a day early or a day late?

• Google’s Gemini did not make it off the launch pad.

• Carnac’s back! Carnac predicts the answer to the question in the envelope is; Zero. And the question is (opening the sealed envelope); How many illegal immigrants will Biden see when he goes to the border at Brownsville?

• Venezuela is closing all its prisons. They no longer have any criminals left to incarcerate. Maduro tells Venezuelans that their good fortune is all due to the virtues of socialism.

• Due to business concerns as a result of the Trump fraud case decision owners of the Empire State Building are considering moving it to Florida.

• Hunter Biden’s lawyers are claiming that supposed lines of cocaine in some of Hunter’s pictures is actually sawdust. Gee, if that’s true how many thousands of people are currently in prison because they were snorting sawdust?

• Kamala says she knows where the Oval Office bathroom is so she’s “absolutely ready” to take over as president.

• Squatting has become a major problem in the US in recent years and such reprobates have a huge opportunity right now. The current occupant in the White House spends so little time there that squatters could move into the private residence and no one would know for weeks.

• The Russian death certificate indicates that Alexei Navalny’s cause of death was “borsch overdose”.